When I became a mom I honestly expected to be an anxious parent. From as far as I can remember I have struggled with anxiety and I’m not talking anxious about a certain situation but crippling anxiety. Anxiety you don’t know where it came from but it’s definitely there and roaring its ugly head. As you can imagine that mixed with the early days of motherhood was tough but that is where God and I met face to face to tackle this demon so that I could break free and be who He intended me to be as a mother.
The Hard Choice
Despite the many years I have worked with children the baby stage didn’t come easy for me. The first few months I was obsessed with making sure I was doing everything “right”. I would question everything I did. I finally came to a point where I had to make a choice. I had a choice to let this anxiety rule over me or to break free. This was no easy task but I believed that with God all things are possible.
Starting the Day Afresh
The first step I took in releasing my anxiety and control (I thought I had on everything) was starting yoga. I would get up in the morning before Annaleigh, light a candle, crack open my Bible on my mat in the floor and start to read. After my morning devotion I would start my yoga flows. Some mornings I would get maybe one flow in but some mornings many if time allowed. Now if yoga is not your thing no worries but I encourage you to get up before your home gets up and do what lights your soul on fire. Drink your cup of coffee in the stillness of your home, read a book, prepare your home for the day, whatever it is that will help jump start your day do it. You won’t regret it.
Getting to the Root
Starting my day afresh was great but something was still disarray even in the last few weeks. I had to get to the root of my anxiety. I quickly realized a lot of that resided in my control of situations with Annaleigh. Now the thought of being able to control a baby better yet a toddler is quite absurd. I mean we can’t even control our own selves as adults sometimes and I’m expecting a toddler to just get it all. Again I was so obsessed with doing it right, having control of naps, dinner time, behavior issues, you name it. I was missing out on a lot of special time with my daughter because of worries and fear. I had to give it to God and let go!
Letting go isn’t easy but I feel it is the key to many wonderful fun filled days with your little ones. The baby/toddler doesn’t nap its ok! Go outside, go for a walk, paint, craft, take a bath with bubbles, snuggle in bed and watch a movie, go splash in puddles if it rains, let it all go! When I release control and just go with the flow of the day we end on such a good note. The whole house is at ease and full of peace…plus the satisfaction on a toddlers face that got to play in the rain…priceless.
You’ve Got This
I encourage you all to remember you are dong an amazing job. The devil wanted me and wants you to feel you are doing it all wrong but you aren’t mama. He wants to infiltrate our thoughts and take control of our motherhood but we can’t allow that. We are all learning together. As we fill our hearts and minds with patience and grace we can boldly love and conquer any day that is set before us.